My Lullaby
by Shelaughedandshecried
Summary: Oneshot of Leah and her mum. Modelled on the song "My Lullaby by Maria Mena" the relationship Leah has with Sue has helped her to realise her true self.  Please Review!


**HI guys, this is probably going to be a one shot. Of Leah and her mom. I listened to this song and it made me cry. Either really listen to it during or after you have read this, it is such a beautiful song. "My Lullaby" by Maria Mena.**

**My Lullaby.**

_Mom please tell me what to do  
I'm so disappointed in you,  
you said those words that made me cry  
and you always wondered why  
why I sing my lullaby_

I lay on my bed, in tears. I was sixteen years old and my boyfriend has just fought with me about something so ridiculous. You told me off for being such a bitch at the age of sixteen, what did you expect from me?

I heard you knocking on my window in the middle of the night, whispering my name and trying to get me to come see you. Did you expect me to welcome you in with open arms? I cursed you, by covering my head with the pillow and blocking the world away from me. My mother was not the slightest bit comforting. I broke up with you and she scolded me with disappointed expressions and bitterness. I would sit up in my room after returning home from school with my guitar and play the same song repeatedly trying to convince myself everything was going to be ok. Tears would fall from my eyes, but wiping them away was like wiping a bit more of the memories I had with you. My mother would constantly ask the same question.

"Why do sing such a depressing song, Leah?" It never felt right to try to explain, so I would leave with no words escaping from between my lips. I was so upset at the way my mother thought of me to be a letdown, a disappointment. I would cry myself to sleep every night alone. Each night I would apologise to God for being the way I was and each night I would quietly whisper I am sorry to you for being this way.

_mom please hurry home to me  
I waited up so patiently  
you sit down and you start to cry  
but you never ask me why  
why I sing my lullaby_

Through all the horrible things I have had to suffer, I still hate to see my mom in pain. The last night she visited Dad in hospital she came home, silent. She came in later than usual, so I told Seth to go to bed and I waited for her. She never spoke a word, until the tears fell. Rolling silently down her cheeks I couldn't help but feel a pain strike me. I wanted to take her place and hold her in my arms. At the age of eighteen, I felt responsible for hurting my mom. I had told my Dad, that I changed. I shifted. As I spoke, he gripped my hand and collapsed. Rushing into hospital, I felt nothing but anger and dread. My Father's death would be on my conscience to the day I die.

I began to hum my lullaby, keeping it low enough that mom could only hear the most important verse, dedicated to her.

_You watch me with such sorrow, _

_But don't understand I had to borrow, _

_A heart that never belonged to me, _

_Can't you just let it be? _

_I wake up every morning sleep deprived _

_From the dreams I have to go through. _

I will never get over the way you looked at me with such sorrow and pain, it pierced through me at the feeling of disappointing you. I am truly sorry, for destroying your hope in me, but I am not you.

_Why I sing my Lullaby,  
was it my fault  
they lead you in the wrong direction?  
Was it my fault  
they didn't show you any affection?  
I show you when I start to cry  
still you always wonder why  
why i sing my lullaby_

Being old enough to leave home seemed a more appealing option, to get rid of the thousand memories I have of being in this house. It has been a long time coming, moving away from a place so haunted with so many meaningful and painful memories. I moved in with him, and I was happy. But I missed you. I missed the conversations we would have rarely on passing in the hall. But mom, I have never stopped loving you, and I never will I just wish... I just wish one day before it is too late you will see what I mean and feel the same. You were lead into the world of mythical creatures and pain that you did not deserve, they led you in the wrong direction. Not me. I tried to bring you back, but they took you took deep into the world of fantasy. They loved you as if you were their own mother, but none knew you truly for what you were. A mother so hard, yet so gentle. A mother so fierce yet so calm. A mother to me and not them. I cried at night when I thought about how you never cried, at me leaving. You never hugged me. You weren't even there to see me leave with Jacob. I am sorry.

_Mom why love me if you're cold  
you just get bitter then grow old  
ask me when i start to weep  
then I'll tell you in my sleep  
why i sing my lullaby_

I look on as you lie in the white bed. Your arms are attached to many tubes. Seth is by your side holding one hand. Your other lies palm up on the bed. I do not go over to comfort, instead I rub my overgrown stomach, and think about why I sing my lullaby.

I think of all the things I was not going to copy you, I was not going to be you. You made life difficult when you needed something to boost your life and so you used me, but at the time I did not care because you were my mom and I love you very much. I take a seat and rest my head in my hands, thinking of all the things you have said to me, of all the things I expect you to say and all the things you will never get to see. But now I will take everything we have done together and wipe that window of memories clear. Let me see your true intentions, why did you do the things you did. They were not out of spite but pity. But today mom, you don't fool me. I am sorry, I have to be so incredibly cruel, but you did it to me and you hurt me, mommy. I am so sorry.

Maybe one day you will know why I sing my lullaby. To set me free. _  
_

_why i sing my lullaby  
why i sing my lullaby  
why i sing my lullaby  
why i sing my lullaby  
why i sing my lullaby_

**Thank you for reading. I am sorry if Sue seems rather horrible to Leah, but she is looking out for her daughter but Leah wouldn't see it in such a way. Please review! **

**Lots of love, Leahxxx**

**Oh and a huge thank you to Gaby for reading this first and telling me your thoughts, you are my strength! x**


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